Sai, It Was All a Misunderstanding
by EeBee-kohai
Summary: After Sakura asks Sai out for ice cream, he thinks she is a spy who trying to get information from him. Sakura explains that she isn't and Sai gets many broken bones. Sai's readings soon convince him... just read it! Lots of Crack Fiction. Sai & Sakura.
1. Chapter 1: Extreme Reactions

A pink haired girl sat on a bench reading. As engrossed in her book as she was, she neglected to notice the people passing by around her.

"Hey Ugly!" Sai replied, slightly scaring Sakura.

She looked up at him, smiling. "Hey, Sai," Sakura smiled. She put down her book to talk to her friend.

"I'm bored. I have nothing to do," Sai stated exactly as he stated pretty much everything he says.

"Want to go get ice cream with me?" Sakura asked.

"Sure. Let's go get Naruto and Kakashi-sempai."

"No. Why don't just you and I go?" Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Why?"

"I don't know… I guess that would, uh, be fun…"

"Sakura. Stuttering…" Sai pulled out a book and began humming. He searched through the pages and smiled when he found his spot and began reading out loud, "when a person invites you to eat with them in a nervous fashion, they are either wanting to go on a date or wanting personal information…" Sai frowned. Personal information? He opened up his other book, 'Shinobi: Emotions vs. Missions', and began to read a passage. "When a Shinobi is trying to spy, they may invite a person to dinner, lunch, or some other meal to gain information." Why would Sakura want information from him? He shook his head. No. That wasn't right. He continued to search through the book until he saw Sakura looking at him expectantly. "Oh. Sorry. I forgot you were standing there." He paused. "Are you, by any chance, a spy hoping to get information from me?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "No… I want to get to know you."

"So… you want to spy on me? I KNEW IT!"

Sakura put her head in her hands and sighed deeply. "Just come get ice-cream with me."

Sai considered this, but then let the 'ANBU-section' of his mind take over. Who was she spying for? What was her mission? The 'ANBU-section' of his mind decided to be a moron and launched Sai toward Sakura. "You'll never get information out of me!" he had her pinned on the ground and he held a Kunai to her neck.

"Sai, what the hell?" Sakura shouted as she tried to push him off of her.

"No spy will pry into _my_ mind!" Sai shouted, ignoring her writhing.

"Sai, what are you doing?" Sakura shouted again.

"I'm pinning you down. What did you think I was doing?" he shook his head in confusion, nearly accidentally slitting her throat.

"I thought you were being a complete idiot. I said I want to get to know you, not get classified information from you!"

Sai thought for a moment, before releasing her. Sakura stood up, looking frustrated with a look that said, "Come near me and I'll kill you, Sai."

Sai smiled. Apparently that tipped Sakura over the edge, because she came at him, full speed, with her fist pulled back.

Two days later, Sai sat in a hospital bed with multiple broken ribs, a broken nose, a black eye that wouldn't open for some reason and two missing teeth.

Ino walked into the room smirking and trying to suppress laughter.

He looked at her questioningly.

"Only you could make the girl who likes you so mad they broke 11 of your bones," Ino burst out laughing. She doubled over in laughter and began clutching her sides. "Help- haha- me- hehe- Can't- hehe- stop- hehe- laughing." She laughed as her face pinched up from the pain of too much laughter.

"Aren't you here to heal those broken bones?" Sai asked seriously. He was quite annoyed with this blonde and didn't have much patience for her.

"Sure- when- I- stop- laughing-" Ino heaved

A few hours later, Sakura walked into Sai's room with a deadly glare and a large shuriken on her back. Sai cringed from the sight and searched frantically for a place to hide. He then went on to do the last thing expected from Sai: he 'eep'-ed.

He slowly recovered and glanced back at Sakura, being careful to avoid eye contact. He waved, but he accidentally whacked her in the face because he had no depth perception due to his eye-issue.

"What was that for?" Sakura fumed.

"Um… it was an accide–WAIT! You actually asked me before breaking my bones this time? Are you really Sakura? Kakashi-sempai? Is that you?" Sai accused.

"Yes, Sai, I am Sakura. I'm not going to beat you up while you're in the hospital. I have to wait till you get out," Sakura explained "… bleh… formalities… ugh…" she began to mumble.

"Sakura, why did Ino say you liked me? I like you too. And Naruto. And Kakashi." Sai asked curiously.

Sakura blushed violently. She smacked him across the head. "Sorry, Sai. I couldn't resist any longer." Then she ran out of the room.

Sai sat, slightly dazed, as he wondered why she hadn't answered his question. Was it phrased wrong? Never mind. He drifted off to sleep with a shrug.

Sakura snuck back into the room when his breathing leveled out. She sighed. He'd never get it. He wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box when it came to emotions. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Sai murmur something unintelligibly. Oh no! He'd caught her watching! She glanced at him in confusion. He was still asleep. "Holy shit! Sai sleep-talks!" she burst out laughing. "Sai sleep-talks! Oh my gosh!" she started pointing and laughing, even though she was alone in the room. "Sai sleep-talks!" she repeated for the millionth time. She moved forward and tripped over. She was laughing too hard to get up.

Ino walked into the room right then and cocked an eyebrow at the kunoichi laughing spastically on the floor. "Um… Sakura?" Ino wasn't sure if Sakura was ok.

Sakura tried to stop laughing, but couldn't. "He sleep-talks!" she exclaimed, a bit too loud, for Sai himself woke up abruptly at the raucous.

"Sakura? Are you OK?" Sai asked.

"YOU SLEEP-TALK!"

"Sakura, It's… not that funny." Ino broke the news slowly.

"Hehe… yes it… Hehe… is!" Sakura lifted herself to her feet and stumbled out of the hospital, looking slightly drunk, as she chuckled all the way home, neglecting to mention how adorable she found it.

- Sai was still slightly in shock from Sakura's episode the previous day. It also annoyed him that both Sakura and Ino knew his _'secret'_. He'd have to do something about that


	2. Chapter 2: A Final Chance

_Sai was still slightly in shock from Sakura's episode the previous day. It also annoyed him that both Sakura and Ino knew his 'secret'. He'd have to do something about that…_

Sai stood up rather shakily from his hospital bed. If he'd had normal emotions, he probably would have feared for his life. Who knew what Sakura had in store for him now that he was going to be out of the hospital?

As if on cue, said person walked into the room.

"Hello, Sai," she said calmly.

"Erm… hello, Ugly…?" Sai said nervously, slightly embarrassed at being caught in the middle of trying to sneak out of the hospital room.

Sakura rolled her eyes and led him back to the bed. Or rather, dragged. He tripped over halfway there, but that didn't stop Sakura!

"So Sai, now that you're out of the hospital, you want to stop getting beat up and get ice cream with me?" Sakura asked.

"But, Ugly, I still think you are an ANBU spy, hoping to get information from me. Due to this Cursed Seal, I can't give information to you, but how do I know you won't try anyway?" Sai said thoughtfully.

"Oh, Geez. Sai, I'm not a spy and I don't want your private information, or whatever. I want to eat ice cream in your company."

"That's it? You should have said so."

"Are you saying that if I'd said, 'Do you want to eat ice cream in my company?' instead of 'Want to get some ice cream with me?' that is more clear?" Sakura asked, eyebrow twitching.

Sai blinked. "Of course," he said simply.

As simply as missing Sakura's Eye Twitch no jutsu, Sai found it _simply_ surprising that Sakura's fist _simply_ connected with his face. Is it just the lone opinion of the lone authoress that a) the authoress is repetitive. Repetitive. And b) Sakura needs to stop hitting people every two seconds and GIVE THEM HUGS.

Anyway, Sai stared up at her from the ground, which now had an imprint of his backside, and blinked. His eyebrows furrowed in thought. Obviously she'd hit him because she didn't like something he'd done or said. Thus his main question was this: what had he done? He scratched his head and pulled out a very large book, titled '_Ways of the Kunoichi_'.

Sakura stared down at him. She'd just punched him in the face and he'd…pulled out a book? Well that was unexpected. She pondered what to do when Sai's incredulous shout came from right in front of her. Well that was strange. She definitely didn't remember him standing up. Or putting his hands on her shoulders. Wait.

His hands on her shoulders. _His_ hands on _her_ shoulders. His. Hands. On. Her. Shoulders. Hishandsonhershoulders.

"Kunoichi have to do _**THAT**_? Oh my Kami! That's so wrong!" he shouted at full volume in front of her face.

"Sai," Sakura said, not quite sure what to do with her face so close to his. "What are you talking about?" she whacked her ear to clear the ringing feeling.

"Kunoichi! And the…" he shuddered. "The _nasty_ stuff!"

"…"

Sakura blinked. Then blinked again. She blinked a third time for good measure, but soon realized that her eyes were surprisingly dry, and thus, she blinked some more.

"Ugly, are you OK? All that blinking can't be good…" Sai poked her face.

And Sakura broke his finger.

"Ouch." He smiled down at his finger. No, not in a creepy way. Sai just likes to smile.

"So, what is so gross about what Kunoichi do?" Sakura asked.

Sai looked nervous at this question, which was strange, because Sai is self-proclaimed to be emotionless. "You know... the _nasty_stuff!"

"No Sai, I don't know."

Sai sighed. "Cleaning toilets, Sakura."

Surprisingly, Sakura stiffened at this answer. Now remember, Sakura is a woman, so it was not _that_ kind of stiffening.

"Sakura, will you promise me you won't ever go on a toilet-cleaning mission?"

"Eh? What?"

Sai's eyebrow furrowed. He'd thought he'd spoken loud enough. "I said, 'Sakura, will you promise me you won't ever go on a toilet-cleaning mission?'" he quoted.

Sakura stared at him, jaw slack.

"You have a lot of saliva in your mouth. I believe that's a medical condition," Sai noted. He found it strange, however, when the saliva and whatnot didn't seem to bother him as much as he thought it would. In fact, Sakura's mouth was not at all bad, or ugly, for that matter. Nor were her eyes, nose, face, ears, and even her forehead. Sai stopped himself. This was ridiculous. He'd probably just inhaled a little too much Ninja Ink. He shook his head to clear it.

"Ouch. Your hair just tried to kill me," Sakura snapped.

"What?" Sai glanced around before he realized that he still had his hands on Sakura's shoulders, which would explain why his hair had hit Sakura in the face. "Oh. Oops. Sorry, Ugly."

Sakura maneuvered her hand in a way Sai found strangely familiar.

He fell to the ground once again from the force of her punch.

He smiled up at her. "So, will you promise me?" he asked as if he hadn't just been punched in the face.

She stared at him in confusion. "Huh?"

"You know, will you promise never to take a toilet-cleaning mission?"

"Maybe. I want to know a few things, though."

"Like what?" he asked as he stood up.

"Why do you want me to promise that?"

"I have positively no idea," he answered immediately with a bright smile.

Sakura sat on the ground. She stared up at Sai and waited for him to join her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm sitting on the ground."

"Why?"

She sighed. "When two people are talking about something that needs a lot of thought, they sometimes sit down.

"Oh, I thought your forehead was weighing you down."

Sakura activated her Eye Twitch no Jutsu.

"Just. Sit. Down," she ground out.

Completely missing the danger in her tone, he joined her on the ground with a wide smile. "I think I might start calling you Ugly-chan."

"Why?" she asked, with more than a hint of annoyance.

"Tsunade-sama said that is how I should address women or children affectionately, though I still am quite stumped as to how affectionate one has to be."

Inner Sakura squealed. "Chan? CHAN? HECK YES! AFFECTIONATE! He likes me!"

'Outer' Sakura stared blankly. Did Sai just say that he was addressing her affectionately? She coughed loudly to hide the squeal that threatened to erupt. It dawned on her, though, that she wasn't even sure if he actually understood what affection was.

"Nice to hear, Sai," Sakura said, her voice a bit higher pitched than she'd hoped.

He smiled back. If only he'd really smile. Sakura wondered what his real smile actually looked like and if they were more pleasant than his regular ones.

She took a deep breath. "So, Sai, do you have any reasons or do you just want me to promise that for no reason?"

Sai looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, I'd prefer you to promise and me to not have to tell you why, but I can try to explain."

Sakura nodded encouragingly.

"You don't bug me. You used to. Quite a lot actually. Your hair reminded me of cotton candy. I've never actually had cotton candy before. Or seen it. It was in an encyclopedia I once read."

"You read an encyclopedia?"

Sai nodded. "Your hair made me want to shave your head in the middle of the night." After taking in Sakura's wide-eyed and disbelieving stare, he amended his last statement. "I would_ obviously_ give you a wig afterwards."

Sakura's fist once again landed in Sai's face. Poor Sai.

"Wait!" she pulled him upright. "Were you…were you _complimenting_ me?"

"…Yes."

She smiled. "Only you could compliment someone by insulting them."

"Erm, Sakura, now that I, uh, have told you that bit, can I tell you the rest?"

Sakura bit her lip and clenched her hands at her side, a measure to keep herself from glomping Sai. Of course, Sai thought she was getting ready to punch him and put his arms up to block his face. After no hit came, he slowly lowered his arms.

"Uh, as I was saying, you don't bother me," Well, that was an understatement. "And I, well, I affection you."

"…You 'affection' me?" Sakura had never known that ROOT had messed with his language and grammar abilities. "I think it's… Oh never mind. Wait, what?"

"I, erm, affection you a bit… ish?"

Sakura stared, knowing that correcting him was a lost cause. "Score!"

"So, I guess you're not an ANBU spy…"

"Not again! Ugh! Let's go get ice-cream," She chuckled. "I promise I won't take a "_nasty_ stuff" missions."

Sai smiled. Not just a fake smile, but instead a real, honest to Kami smile. Sakura smiled in return, not able to keep down a slight giggle.

He'd finally smiled. She'd thought he might be defective.


End file.
